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Friday, June 27, 2008
I'm wondering
Im wondering..whats actually in my genes? Why i'm different with other people? How to be in love with my opposite sex? Or izzit me that actually dont want to be in love with my opposite sex? What r the things that exist inside the genes for straight's people? Is the genes that tells you to be in love with ur opposite sex really exist? So, my genes had stopped me to be in love with the opposite sex? Or im born with the genes that actually should be in a male's body? So that's why i can be easily in love with women?
So the scientists r doin their research..n havent found any answer yet. The possibility is yes.. Genes does effect ur love feeling. I've got no one to be blamed. Im born in the perfect family and doesnt have any bad history to do with man. I went to high school that is mix with boys n gals. I had d most popular boy in school appoarched me to be with him. But i refused. Cause im totally not in love with him. And actually admiring a straight girl @ class next door  . So..that was my history. So the question is.. why? Im 24 years old now. I never had a single feeling towards guys. Its sad u know..to live life with sins. Of course it can be avoided. Just choose one of the boy that likes me..pick one.Then we go on.. get married.. have a child.. N live sadly ever after. After 7 years..my kid will ask "Mommy, why r u staring at that girl?"... and i'll anwer "I just cant avoid it...its in my genes." Or in other case.. "Mommy..where's daddy?".. "I have no idea son..i don't care where he's going." Do i have to choose my life to be the opposite side of myself? Do i have to force myself to be in love with a guy and then live like normal life? DO I NEED TO PRETEND? I can't do it.. i really can't do it. If one day..i'll feel like.. I NEED TO GET MARRIED..it's time to do it.. cause im already reached 35years old.. and i'll be worried about my life..my future..i need to have a child.. then i'll freak out.. n pick one guy.. of course that guy will be so happy and so proud cause he think that he can actually change me to be straight..but that's not the point..im just worried about my future..n just wanted to have a child. But i dont want that to happend..n i also don't want to live like an old lady with her cats...n lots of them.  What i'm suppose to do..So..if i chose to be that way..then i will live with that guy for rest of my life. But have u ever heard this quote? - ONCE A LESBIAN WILL ALWAYS BE A LESBIAN. I maybe be with him..but my feeling towards women cannot be change..for the rest of my life. I can't stop the adreline rush in my body if one girl wink at me. I can't stop my heart's beating real fast when a cute/beautiful girl say hi to me! So that's how my life will end? Being with someone that is absolutely not my type and keep on pretending for the rest of my life? The question is... How about my Happiness...do i have to sacrifice my happiness..just to live like a normal life? Thank you. End. p/s: No one can predict their future..The entire story was just a prediction of what my life would be.  elsilver taped a piece at 07:37 pm
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